The Queer English Language
We’ll begin with box; the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
But the plural of mouse in not ever meese.
You may find a lone mouse, or a whole nest of mice,
But the plural of house is still never hice.
If the plural of man is always men
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be pen?
If I speak of a foot and you show me two feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth, and a whole set are teeth
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?
If a singular this is a plural these
Should the plural of kiss ever be keese?
We speak of a brother and also call brethren,
And though we say mother we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine she, shis and shim.
- Alice Hess Beveridge
