Oeuvre of Passionate Hands

I was surfing to find something that would lift my spirits up a bit but the only thing my eyes seemed  to focus on was this.
Like I said, it’s not a blond joke. Just a Blonde Medical Glossary.

Acute: Opposite of an ugly.
Adenoid: Domino’s Pizza character.
Advil: Used to hammer things on.
AIDS: Helpers or Assistants.
Anally Occurring yearly.
Aphrodisiac: An African disc jockey.
Artery: Study of fine paintings.
Aspirin: Having great ambitions.
Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.
Barium: What doctors do when treatment fails.
Benign: What you are after you be eight.
Blood: A type of Gang.
Bowel: A letter like A, E, I, O, or U.
Bruise: A six-pack.
Cesarean Section: A district in Rome.
Capsule: A space ship.
Catheter: String instruments.
Cat Scan: Searching for kitty.
Cauterize: Made eye contact with her.
Clitoris: A type of flower.
Colic: A sheep dog.
Coma: A punctuation mark.
Condom: Apartment complex.
Congenital: Friendly.
Concussion: A prisoner’s sofa pillow.
Constipation: An important U.S. document.
D&C: Where Washington is.
Diaphragm: A drawing in geometry.
Diarrhea: Journal of daily events.
Dilate: To live long.
Dildo: Variety of sweet pickle.
Douche: Italian word for "12."
Enema: Not a friend.
Erection: When the Japanese vote.
Femur: Not a Male.
Fester: Quicker.
Fibula: Small lie.
Fracture: A number less than one.
Genital: Non-Jewish.
G.I. Series: Baseball series for soldiers.
Grippe: Suit case.
Hair: Rodent with long ears.
Hangnail: Coat hook.
Heart: Bow & Arrow target.
High Colonic: Jewish religious holiday.
Hospital: An unknown person ejecting saliva.
Immune: Congressional perk.
Impotent: Distinguished; well known.
Infection: Russians coming to the U.S.
Intense pain: Torture in a teepee.
Intestines: Beta version of forks.
Jaundice: To include in a group.
Jaw: A shark without as much teeth.
Joint: A location or place.
Kinesthetics: A relationship towards relatives.
Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work.
Laceration: Dainty material allotment.
Leper: A wild cat.
Lesbian: Person from the Middle East.
Lesion: A unit of Roman Army.
Loin: Not fat.
Lymph: A special Fairy.
Lymph Node: Where special Fairy lives.
Major Operation: A job for the Major.
Malaria: Several shopping Stores.
Mammogram: A telegram to Mom.
Manic Depressive: A man pressed down to the floor.
Medical Staff: Doctor’s cane.
Medicare: A partial care.
Meningitis: Getting a Man.
Menstrual cycle: Bloody vehicle for men.
Menstruation: Male Model display.
Midwife: Second wife in three marriages.
Migraine: Not your wheat.
Minor Operation: Coal digging.
Miscarriage: Firing a Rifle and missing a target.
Morbid: Higher offer.
Mucus: Not quite in focus.
Nitrate: Cheaper than a day rate.
Node: Was aware of.
Organic: Musical.
Orgasm: Person who accompanies the church choir.
Outpatient: Person who has fainted.
Ovaries: French egg dish made with cheese.
Papsmear: Fatherhood
Tablet: A small table.
Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport.
Testicles: Sucking sacks found on an octopus.
Tibia: Country in North Africa.
Tumor: More than one.
Ultrasound: A loud noise.
Umbilical Cord: Part of a parachute.
Urine: Opposite of "You’re Out."
Vagina: Heart trouble.
Varicose: Near by.
Varicose Veins: Veins very close to each other.
Vein: Conceited.
Weak: Seven days.
Zit: Dog Command.

Note: Please do not use this as referrence for any medical issue. Its just a blonde thing.